What to write about today? I managed to stop moping and go to SIG (my group therapy session) and that was good. I set some goals for myself to help with the who sobriety thing. Those goals are more or less staying off of the pointless entertainment sites; taking care of myself with vitamins, exercise and sleep; blogging and reading helpful books everyday; and just generally staying in contact with people.
In all honesty, this blog should have been typed up before midnight, but at least I'm typing it up. The self-loathing is still there from yesterday, but I'm hoping it will slowly fade as I take care of myself. I've been doing laundry, which is a huge step in cleaning my room and generally staying sane. I just need to actually do some serious cleaning soon and actually fold the cloths I've been washing.
I still feel like I'm babbling. Just kind of drifting aimlessly on a sea of nothingness. That's really not ok because it means I've succeeded at locking my heart away again and not feeling things. That was the beginning of what got me into this mess the first time. It was a stupid decision then and it's a stupid decision now. I just wish I could completely undo it by deciding to not have a hardened heart but it just doesn't work that way. The stone has to be slowly chipped away.
I need to start going to SA meetings during the week. Ideally I'd do it on Thursday but I promised Taylor she'd have all of Thanksgiving with me. I'll end up going to the one on Saturday up on Grandview right before church.
I'm also toying with writing something. Some story or something somewhere, but I can't decide what to write, and until I do, I guess I'll just babble on to you guys. :-P